​For most relationships are a hugely meaningful part of their lives and can bring people a great deal of joy and fulfillment.  A strong connection  with a significant other can  offer an important source of belonging, love and support. 
Whether you identify as Straight, Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Polyamorous, Asexual, or any other label and you are in a relationship that isn't satisfying it can cause distress and at times anguish.  Everyone has relationship problems, but some people have them over and over and over again.

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The 4 Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse

As far as relationships are concerned, none has done more research that Dr John Gottman.  His claim to fame is that having watched a couple talk to one another, he can tell with a 98% accuracy, if they will be together in 10 years time. Gottman is a professor emeritus at the University of Washington and co-founder of the Gottman Institute. He has published over 190 papers and authored more than 40 books. 
Through his research of thousands of hours of watching couples talk to one another, he has identified 4 behaviours that doom relationships. They are referred to as the 4 Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse, and they are :

• Contempt -looking down on your partner, and feeling and acting superior than them.
• Criticism- is staging the problem in a relationship as a character flaw in a partner.
• Defensiveness- takes two forms: counterattacking or acting like an innocent victim and whining.
• Stonewalling- shutting down or tuning out. It passively tells your partner, “I don’t care.”

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3 acts to prevent the 4 Horsemen

From watching couples that have healthy relationships, referred to as The Masters, Gottman observed them doing the following 3 things:

• Know thy Partner- The Masters are building "love maps" by  always asking questions about their partner and disclosing personal details about themselves.
• Responding Positively to “Bids”- You say something and you want them to respond. To engage. It can be as simple as saying, “Nice day, isn’t it?”
  
• Show Admiration- Masters see their partner as better than they really are.  Admiration is about the story you tell yourself about your partner. And that leads us to how to predict whether your relationship is working…​

I offer a 15 minute free consultation, where we can discuss what you need. I can then assess if I am the right therapist for you moving forward.
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To book your consultation with me
 email : [email protected]
or Phone :  07720 849 332